My Year of Massive Transformation
This week in October marks my year of massive transformation. One year ago this week, I quit my job.
Not just any job, but a great-paying job, running the family business, which ensured my financial security for life. I had all-the-nice-things, lived in a huge house, and had zero financial worries.
Also? I was completely sick inside.
Each day, I would put on a happy face on the outside, and on the inside, ask myself why I couldn’t have what I desired most: gratitude, presence, and fulfillment.
I felt a giant void that sent me spiraling into a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt.
What is wrong with me?
Why am I not happy?
Do I need to be on meds?
I should be grateful!
I operated in constant “fight or flight” mode, waking up every morning to massive stress, anxiety and an overwhelming urge for it to all go away.
I went about my days resisting the truth and instead, unconsciously chose to put on the mask and continue the farce. It was exhausting. In fact, it was no wonder I caught myself perpetually crying, battling daily panic attacks while feeling mentally and physically depleted and defeated.
I had no idea what to do, or how to get out of my situation.
On one hand, who in the heck would want to leave my perfect-looking life? Only a crazy, ungrateful brat would even fathom that there could be a better life than this. I was doing everything you “should” be doing.
Then, I realized, I was DOING, not BEING. This is all I knew how to do…..I thought I was doing it “right”
The Whispers of Change Began.
I began to experience whispers about a different type of life; a life that had more freedom and connection. A life that was simpler, and less focused on status and money (which I was realizing did not align with me at all.). I asked myself why those things were not important to me when most people strive for the life I had.
These whispers turned into loud raging screams, and so I did what I always do – I reached out to share with my loved ones about what I was experiencing. At first, they didn’t understand; neither did I. I just felt that getting the thoughts out would help. NOPE! I then realized that this “work” was going to have to come from within, which was the beginning of my soul-searching journey.
Over the years, before I quit my job, I had become a major seeker. I actively engaged in endless therapy, practiced yoga, read self-help books, meditated, prayed, and constantly asked for guidance. I was desperate for a clue. An answer. A slap upside the head. Anything! And nothing changed. I didn’t believe the whispers.
The Catalyst for My Year of Massive Transformation
While in the middle of my emotional shitstorm, things went from bad to worse when my best friend Christian died unexpectedly from an extremely aggressive form of brain cancer. We were talking football the first day in the hospital, and 10 days later she was gone.
She was my rock, my pillar of optimism. She showed me how to live in the present no matter what, being content regardless of the situation around her. She always had trust and lived that way with ease. She insisted on living life to the fullest and was a true example of strength.
It was this tragic event that led me to stop everything and make a massive change.
My husband and I BOTH quit our jobs, sold our home, left all the “things,” and booked a month-long vacation to Costa Rica to decompress in nature and let go for a little while.
That little while turned into a much longer while as we canceled our return ticket and decided to move to Costa Rica indefinitely.
One year later, we are still living in Costa Rica, in the middle of a remote jungle and mindfully finding our way. We have assimilated into a “Pura Vida” culture that values simplicity, the land, the animals, the sacredly grown food, community, slowing down, and people helping each other.
Finally, we discovered a way of living that connects to our souls’ purpose, as well as our family values.
Everything about our family has transformed.
We embrace the task of relocating spiders, frogs, and tarantulas from our home back into the jungle (Mom, don’t read this part!). I haven’t worn sleeves, put makeup on, or done my hair in 6 months–I have never felt more prettier. We are outside most of the day, every day, absorbing the astonishing jungle surroundings, the vibrant energy it has to offer, and the wildlife that entertains us.
More importantly, we have redesigned what “success” looks like to us.
We now define success as being present with our family, finding the simplest way to live, and removing all distractions that can cause stress or worry. We are building our own businesses that provide value to others and their self-discovery processes.
Leaning into trust was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done.
My nature is to control, to be the boss, and to run the show. Retiring that identity was a huge step for me! Learning how to let go, surrender, and allow my life to unfold right in front of me made me ill at times. But for the most part, it has allowed me to experience real-life MAGIC!
If you made it all the way to the end of this blog post, I hope that my story serves as a reminder that there is a different way to live.
I’d also love to share with you all that I have learned through meditation and mindfulness over the past year.
In love, light and trust,
Tiffany
What an amazing post. I’m so proud of you and grateful for you. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Meghan! So sweet and I feel the same about you!